you lying bastard

how could i do this to myself ? again ? words can not even explain what i have just been through . i have to be the strongest person i know right now . there is feeling at the pit of my stomach  , i am trying so har dnot to focus on it but i can not help it . everything hurts so bad . i just want to be fucking free of it all . i wish iwasnt so stupid. and i wish i could erase everything  .